Day 16

About half of the marriages today end in Divorce so I am writing on the subject of marriage and how I got so lucky. Here's how it is at Rabbit Run.

MARRIAGE When I met Barb, I was a 20 year old 2nd Lieutenant stationed at Fort Irwin, CA. How I managed to get so lucky to meet someone with such good common sense eludes me. Hell, I'm not sure that I would have recognized good sense back then, or if I just had good luck. There was no doubt that she had a plan for her life and the ability to make them happen. I felt confident that while I was in Vietnam the first year of our marriage she was just fine back home. I joke that I was not there to train her during the critical first year of our marriage. I probably would have been better trained if I had been there the entire time. I doubt it would have changed her much. I would encourage young people to look forward and talk about their expectations. If you both are willing and able to plan a future and the goals are compatible you stand a chance. There is a lot of give and take in a relationship so the ability to like and love is important.

But, getting there is only half of the battle. Marriage is work on both sides. You must be able to communicate and then cooperate. It is a battle but it should be as one against the world not ever between each other. We joke about the fact that if i were in charge of our finances, we would have every new toy and nothing saved. Barb on the other hand would be a Spartan and have all her money saved. Somewhere in the middle is a pretty happy couple with enough things and money saved. It really didn't hurt that during my lifetime I got to travel with the Guard. I have been to almost every Military post in the west and San Antonio enough times to have my desire to go there quelled.

If you read back to day 7, you will read how people can turn your dreams into reality. The act of turning dreams into reality requires a common goals and asset allocation and can be the way that you both get enough out of your marriage. For some reason I find long car trips as good a time to discuss many of these things and we have always taken about one trip a year in the car.

I am firmly convinced that most men have enough love in their heart for only one woman. Those that flirt with the idea of having a mistress, girl friend or an affair are trying to figure out how much love they can give up for their significant other and give it to the other person. It also means that honesty must go by the wayside and that is one of the most important things in a marriage. There are enough warts on most of us that we don't need to be dishonest with the one person we are to share our lives with. That works both ways.

I don't have a good idea about the compatibility based on sameness or differences. They say differences attract but I am pretty sure that attraction isn't the answer, just the question in meeting and greeting the other sex on the battlefield of dating. I am fairly sure that having a common type background helps but it isn't the only part of the equation. If one of you had their College wardrobe bought at Neiman Marcus and the other at Tractor Supply Company I wouldn't say that is going to be a highly functional relationship. In High School, I dated a girl who's daddy met us in Dallas when the Choir went to SMU to sing. He bought her a significant part of her college wardrobe at Neiman Marcus. The cheapest thing I found in the store was a piece of cheese with a gold plated sword tooth pick for $7.00. I bought it and had a blinding flash of the obvious that that pretty girl was out of touch with anything I could afford. On the other hand, Barb drove a 1950 Ford and worked at a Civil Service job. Her folks were pretty much catch as catch can when we met and our common backgrounds worked out to be a good match. Perhaps the difference was that barb was more quiet and I was, well me.

Oh well, the synthesis of all this is to find a person that is compatible with where you expect to go in the world and is willing to help you both get there. Get Married and go there.

MUD