For most of the people out there, we learned to parent by watching our parents. In a lot of cases, we learned how not to do a good job and our parenting actions were a lot like a military reaction to having an enemy attack in our perimeter. We rushed out and applied whatever control and force we felt necessary to get the enemy to change his behavior. During Barb's years as a teacher, she had to attend classes for credit to keep her certification current. I went with her to many of the Love and Logic classes. They were the best when Dr Charles Fay was conducting some of the workshops. I would always try to attend any sessions he taught because he was an educator and an entertainer. Go to this website for more information:
http://www.loveandlogic.com/
This morning I read that our niece out in Idaho is taking the Love and Logic class developed by Dr. Fay. I want to recommend that all parents look to their churches, local schools or Colleges for this class. It is a good way to spend less than a hundred dollars and learn a lot.
If there is one thing that Love and Logic teaches is that a lot of times the logic in our actions is lost on the kids because of our emotions. He will give parents a way to take a deep breath, step back and think about what is the thing to do instead of rushing in and shooting everyone. The part that absolutely I love is that you can make kids think about the logic of what they do by helping them understand consequences and setting rules for their behavior. When you get a chance to let the kid walk away from a mistake with the monkey on his or her back you will forever love it. I think it is an excellent time to help the children understand rules and limits and perhaps to cause them to say, "What will happen if I do this?"
Will this help Amy this year with a one year old? Perhaps not as much as it would prepare her to act in the future. It is difficult to communicate with a small child, but it will arm her out in the future when she can communicate. For Heidi, she is right in the middle of raising her family and I think this is an excellent way to learn how to deal with children. yea Heidi.
MUD
Guest post time.
ReplyDeleteI have to admit that I never took those classes. However, I have known quite a few people who did, and there seems to be a common thread connecting many of those people (many who do not even know each other). That commonality is wimpy parents who cannot enforce rules even when it comes to the things that really matter like a child's safety. Now, I suspect this is less the class' fault and more the fault of parents who heard what they wanted to hear rather than what was actually said. Another thing these folks had in common is that they did not believe in spanking or anything too "harsh"--even when the behavior was so outrageous that the kid seriously needed a little wake up tap on the behind.
One instance that sticks out in my mind happened during a family Scout camping trip. Son was angry about being told he had to help set up his tent and gear rather than playing with his Game Boy in the car. Son acted generally huffy and nasty to everyone in the group. Then, as it grew dark, son wandered out of the camping area alone, without a flashlight, and without telling anyone. My husband noticed this boy was missing and immediately began what turned out to be a half hour search for him before hauling his @$$ back to camp for his mom to deal with him. Dh and I were worried. We were camping near a small cliff, the spot was new to everyone in the group, lighting was not good, there was a group of campers we didn't know getting wasted a few campsites over, and there were venomous snakes in the area. Not a good situation. Dh delivers son to his mother who says, "Now R., was that a good choice?" Oh yes, "Was that a good choice?" is the other thing I've found in common with parents who tout that class, and it makes my blood boil because it is often said without discussion of what could have happened and without any real consequences.
Oh, I know there are parents who go way too far with spanking or other methods of discipline/training as well. I think moderation and common sense are key to good parenting. Love is absolutely necessary, but please let's not leave off the logic. Asking a 10yo if he made a good choice when he is a)already not inclined to listen and b)hasn't had any real consequences for his actions is completely illogical.
jenni, Thanks for the great lead in to the reason for the course. If you were to take the course, it would be real plain that consequences for actions is built in. I can't think of any part of the training that said the parent should just ask a child that had committed a safety infraction if that was a good choice. In fact, the term Helicopter Mom is the description Dr fay uses to describe parents that don't have a clue how to talk with children, discipline them and hold them accountible for their actions. Most of the Love and Logic courses not for teachers are held in churches where parents believe that they are responsible for their children. I'm not sure what that parent was using on that stubborn child but I can assure you that it wasn't Love and Logic. Thanks for stopping by.
ReplyDeleteMUD
I am going to try to just love Austin, keep him safe and teach him the best I can. Being a parent is the hardest most imporatant thing you will ever do in your life. There is no manual on it because every model is diffrent and every operator speaks a diffrent language. People have their opinions and studies to help us along but the one thing I have learned this year is, when you think you've figured out how to do it right your kids throw you for a loop;) Flexibility is key!
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