You Are Probably an Asshole if

1. You have any image placed on your car of any person or animal urinating on anything.
2. You have any bumper sticker implying that your pets are smarter than an honor student.
3. You routinely have to hit your brakes on highways to avoid running into the car in front of you.
4. You park in front of (and block traffic to) a store for 45 minutes because it’s too inconvenient for you to park in the open parking spot 20 feet away.
5. You park in the loading zone at a grocery or drugstore while your significant other “runs in to get a few things.” 
6. You flip your cigarette butts out your car window or toss them down in the parking lot and stomp on them.
7. You don’t wash your hands after using the bathroom.
8. You take 13 items to the ten items or less checkout line.
9. You knock something off a shelf at the grocery store and leave it on the floor.
10 You talk loudly on your cell phone in a restaurant.
11. You have any bumper sticker that insults the intelligence or morality of people of differing political ideologies.
12. You park your car across parking slot lines to keep people from parking next to you.
13. You park in any place that is not a legal parking spot. 
14. You don’t see anything wrong with giving another driver the finger.
15. You “push the envelope” on red lights. 
16. You “teach a lesson” to another driver. 
17. You speed through residential areas. 
18. You play your music as loud as you can. Especially if it rattles my rear view mirror.
19. You spit your gum on the sidewalk. 
20. You see nothing wrong with getting drunk in public. 
21. You use profane language in family environments.
22. You ignore pet leash laws.
23. You let your cat roam free at night. 
24. You let your dog roam free to do “his business.”
25. You expect cars to honor your bicycle’s “rights on the road” but you ignore traffic laws while on your bicycle.
26. You spit in public.

This was brought to you by a Conservative that is just too angry to write about anything else right now.  I freely admit that from time to time I have committed some or all of these offenses.  But I do not hide from any label so long as it is applied to all or with a laugh.



  1. Sometimes it's just enough to piss you off!
    The world is full of Arseholes.

  2. I guess I am an asshole;) Libby runs free though she is fixed and we live in the country, and I do tend to tailgate. Unfortunately, I have Grandma Petty's bad driving habits. As soon as I notice I am doing it (i.e. I get flipped off) I back off.