Life Lessons 101, Death

I will do my best to not turn this into a morbid tale, just a guide from someone that has been through it a few times. I hope that it somehow helps anyone through the process and somehow illuminates the amount of work death brings to the family.

Number One, if you can get your parents or anyone that is aged to do two things, it greatly steps up the process. First and foremost, figure out what the hell you want done with your stuff and put it in your will. Get a good lawyer to help if there is a lot of complications. They are worth their weight in gold. Talk to the person you want as your administrator and help them know who gets what or how to settle the stuff part of your estate. The second thing in this process is to decide what you want to do for your funeral. You can pick out the urn, or the coffin, pick out a burial plot and now days it is a pretty safe bet to buy funeral insurance. I will tell you that the funeral part of death is one expensive deal and I was so glad that My niece, Rebecca, was there to guide mother through that process. There is the matter of music, who will officiate and who will sing if appropriate. If you prepay, you can pick everything out and pay up front. If the costs go up later, it will all be taken care of. Doing this part before the crushing blow of death makes it a lot easier on the family. It will also be clear that it is your wishes and not some arbitrary thing made up. You can't imagine how picky people can be over things like the funeral spray. Write a draft of the obituary and no one will be mad that they are left out. I would even go so far as to sign it.

The next steps are fairly easy if you all live in the same state where the person dies. I would advise you to get a lawyer and have him guide you through the Probate process. In most cases, the estate will be under $150,000 and you can breeze through probate. Most States require the Probate papers to be filed withn a very short number of days. The papers will be filed and a court date set. Be prepared to appear in a court room if you are the executor. You will have to gather the names of everyone that could be an heir, an inventory of the estate, have it valued, file a tax return for the year (federal and State) and publish the notice of death to creditors. In most states you have 45 days from notification of death minimum. Get enough copies of the certified death certificate to give one to almost every Tom Dick or Harry your loved one did business with. Life Insurance, Bank accounts, stock companies and everyone else wants a copy. Once everything is in order including the intended division of the estate you will then have to appear before the court again to ensure that you have done a fair job of the process. Be prepared to have this stretch out if real estate is involved. Only after complete review of the material will you be dismissed.

I tell one story to convince people of just how difficult this process can turn into. When my step father married my mom, he had several credit cards that were maxed out. After the sake of his house, he had the money to pay them, yet, he just made minimum payments on them. He took a turn for the worse in his health and with his blessing Mom and I took over his finances. We paid off the cards and everything was fine. After his death, I called up the credit card company to confirm that the card was shut off and would be no longer required. It had been unused for almost a year and had no balance. The agent I spoke to said they required a certified copy of the death certificate. At $15.00 a copy there was just no damn way I was going to send them one. The agent on the phone said that even though I was the court appointed executor, there was no way they were going to accept a verbal cancel of the card and in fact were due to send out the new ones in a couple of months. I calmly asked her to open the notes in the account and be prepared to type the following. "If you send any new cards to my step father, I will personally put them on the front porch of his house and let anyone that wants them, take them. We would not be responsible for any further debts because he is dead and I have published a death notice in the paper - twice. Your failure to comply with that notice will result in you eating any charges that show up. Clear? End of message" I guess this one small thing only illuminates why some people call me Mean Uncle Denny. It is only one tip of one iceberg floating out there to crash you boat.

The estates of our parents can turn ugly if there is a lot of stuff and money involved. If done before the family member dies, it makes the process much easier. If you want someone to hold your hand through this ordeal, I would recommend a good lawyer. Then talk to someone who has gone through the process and for kicks and giggles, next time you are at a family reunion listen when the talk turns dark about the estate of someone that died. Or, smile and know you are prepared.

MUD