Freedom to Fart Freely (FTFF)

Yesterday was my first official day of substitute Para work. I had a nice little kid assigned to me and for most of the day he was great. When his meds wore off he was a character but I'm sure I fit that mold a lot at the same age. The reason I brought this up again was that during a work session with the OT in the afternoon he was sitting at a computer in the Resource room and farted. He was in one of those plastic chairs that are molded for a 9 year old's butt and it echoed like no body's business. He was an instant hit with the other little boys in the room. I'm sure that they all wished they had one good fart to liven up their day. Barb and I had Mexican for dinner and the beans help me produce Methane gas and this morning I was sitting here reading the other morning blogs and I slipped out one and it was a noisy as if I had been in a plastic form fitting chair. I am in a leather chair with a form fitting butt dent. The sad news was there is no one here to hear it but me. Even the dogs are outside. I think I am in need of a job where the social conditions are such that the FTFF factor is high. Firemen, Soldiers, linemen for the power companies and other male dominated jobs where they guys work outside are high FTFF jobs.
Don't ask me where the sophomore humor comes from. I just tell it like it is, or like I would like it to be. Making up acronyms was such a part of my life in the Military that FTFF just rolls off my mind. If it was a true Acronym it would be Freedom and Readiness to Fart (FART) but that would be redundant. Farting a FART just takes the fun out of seeing women wrinkle up their noses even outside of the stink radius. Denny! Why don't you do that in the bathroom? Do you know how hard it is to fart standing up? Your friend in need of a life, MUD.


  1. Those sad persons that stifle a good ol' rump shakin' fart have been know to loose brain cells due to an increase in intercranial pressure. Plus a healthy rip keeps your ass gasket in tip-top shape. How about these acromyms:
    S-H-I-T: super heated interal thunder
    G-A-S: Gastrointestinal ass seepage
    P-O-O-P: propeled odiforis outward pulsation
    Just a thought

  2. Anonymous10:10 AM

    Hi Mud:

    I came upon your blog by happenstance and enjoyed your posts.

    I am a 6th grade general education teacher in Reston, VA (a DC suburb), and I started my second career as a substitute teacher 6 years ago. The experience was a good one and I decided to take the pludge and become a full time educator.

    You seem to have a soft spot in your heart for special ed kids. While I am not trained in special education, I have some to understand their issues much over my years and have developed a great empathy for them and in the process have developed a great empathy for people in general.

    I do a lot of reading, especially if the material has something to do with my profession and I have a couple books to recommend if you ever are looking for something read. One I just read is titled, "Joey Pigza Swallowed the Key," written by Jack Gantos. It's a book for 10-12 year olds, but the subject matter, a 5th grader coping with his ADHD is incredibly eye opening. It would be a quick read. If you can get your hands on the audio version, which is read by the author, I'd highly recommend it.

    The other book is titled, "The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night Time," written by Mark Haddon. This is purely a book for adults, but the thing that is interesting about it is that it is written from the perspective of an autistic 15-year old. Extremely eye-opening for an educator to read.

    I'm not a blogger so you can't respond to my blog should you desire. However, my email address is: stefano21@verison.net if you want to respond.

    Thank you for your military service.


    P.S. Now that you have the summer off, how 'bout straightening up that back porch!! If your wife is anything like mine she'd be thrilled to be surprised.