|On the Trail Again|
I found it easy to work hard, get an education and continue to move up in my job over the years. After Vietnam, I did have moments that I felt uneasy but I managed to self medicate those feelings away and continue to live the best I knew how. It was fun and rewarding to me. Sometime in 1988 or 89, I was the Military Personnel Officer for the Kansas Guard and hated every moment of the job. No, that is not true, I loved the people I had working for me but hated the ankle biting problems that developed every day.
Just so you will know, Recruiters are just salesmen and live out there in the community and deal with a lot of the dregs. They for some reason feel that if they make their quota, what they do in the mean time is not a problem. You would love to be with them, but I promise you wouldn't want to be responsible for them. The term I used for them was arrested development and sometimes they did get arrested.
Being the perfect guy I am, I picked up many books on the subject and tried to get and stay sober on my own. The AA approach was one that worked for a lot of people and I used it with a few modifications. The part about giving your life to a supreme being just wasn't me. I was in charge and if I screwed up it was mine to fix and keep it that way. I also didn't think I would need to go to meetings to stay sober, I felt that I just needed to do it and keep it up. The one thing I did apply and have since is the part about a day at a time. I may not be sober forever but today I am. I don't fear falling off the wagon. It is my damned wagon and I am in charge. I tell people I am a sober drunk. I would be an alcoholic but I don't go to the meetings.
I haven't smoked pot or done crack or those mood altering drugs. I know I will never be hooked by anything with opiates in them because they constipate the hell out of me. So I guess I will just have to remain the source of my own happiness and be careful to know that if there is not a smile on my face, it is my own fault.
One thing I will not do is stand around and throw rocks at the popular people as they finally admit their problems. What I would say to them is that is a few short years, it will all blow away and they too can live on and love, laugh, cuss, fight and outrun the rest of their problems. We are blessed with minds that get us through and hearts to share love with others.
There is also a simple rule - Never say Never or Always about anything.
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