Discriptive Language

I saw this in the store Today. I hope it would keep the Monkeys from flying out of my Butt.

Some things in my life have significantly influenced my language. Here are just a few of the descriptive phrases I use:

  • If I didn't invent Humongous, I was one of the first that used it to describe things bigger than normal comprehension.

  • In a New Your Minute. How fast can they strip your car of its wheels and radio? Yep, in a New York Minute.

  • Blinding Flash of the Obvious. When something said is so straight forward you can't believe the speaker got it so soon and clearly.

  • When my Dad had reached his limit of kids, he would tell us to go out and "Blow the Stink Off". One time when I was teaching a preschool class, I told them we needed to go out and blow off the stink. One of the little guys said, "But Teachor, we don't stink".

  • Dad would always try to wake us all up by shouting "All Hands on Deck".

  • One of the sayings from the rifle range that stuck with me was, "Ready on the right? Ready on the left, the firing line is no longer clear!"

  • There is a custom in the Field Artillery that you never give the affirmative "Right". You always use check. It drives non artillerymen crazy. Check, check, check and double check...

  • If things are going poorly, but organized, things are going to hell in a hand basket.

  • If things are going bad and so disorganized it is beyond recognition, it is FUBAR. That is Fucked up beyond recognition. I hope you will accept my apology for the bad language but I think you needed to really know what it is.

  • BOHICA! If you are again told to do something you know neither the sender of the message or you want to do, Bend Over, Here it Comes Again!

  • Fair. There is nothing in the world fair. Wait, never say never or always. As soon as you do, it will happen.

  • Cheap, Easy and good. There is just no way you can get anything that is all of these three things. Pick two and move on smartly.

I swear that in spite of what Amy thinks, I would never say "Monkeys flying out of my butt". I'm not sure what it means and perhaps some day when I figure it out I might use it.



  1. I first heard FUBAR in a movie back in the 80's. Wasn't Patrick Swayze in it? Great word.

    And the one thing I've already asked for for next Christmas? A flying monkey. Just not sure I'd want it exiting my nether regions.

  2. Okay, what about when pigs fly? That's a classier way of saying When monkeys fly out my butt. Have you seen Bruce Almighty? There is a scene that might explain it better.

  3. No, Ihave not seen the entire Bruce Almighty. That explains why I didn't have a frame of reference for the Monkey Butt thing. MUD