are probably an asshole if:
1. You have any image placed on your car of any person or animal urinating on anything.
2. You have any bumper sticker implying that your pets are smarter than an honor student.
3. You routinely have to hit your brakes on highways to avoid running into the car in front of you.
4. You park in front of (and block traffic to) a phone store for 45 minutes because it’s too inconvenient for you to park in the open parking spot 20 feet away.
5. You park in the loading zone at a grocery or drugstore while your significant other “runs in to get a few things.”
6. You flip your cigarette butts out your car window or toss them down in the parking lot and don't stomp on them.
7. You don’t wash your hands after using the bathroom.
8. You take 13 items to the ten items or less checkout line.
9. You knock something off a shelf at the grocery store and leave it on the floor.
10. You talk loudly on your cell phone in a restaurant.
11. You have any bumper sticker that insults the intelligence or morality of people of differing political ideologies.
12. You park your car across parking slot lines to keep people from parking next to you.
13. You park in any place that is not a legal parking spot.
14. You don’t see anything wrong with giving another driver the finger.
15. You “push the envelope” on red lights.
16. You “teach a lesson” to another driver.
17. You speed through residential areas.
18. You play your music as loud as you can.
19. You spit your gum on the sidewalk.
20. You see nothing wrong with getting drunk in public.
21. You use profane language in family environments.
22. You ignore pet leash laws.
23. You let your cat roam free at night.
24. You let your dog roam free to do “his business.”
25. You expect cars to honor your bicycle’s “rights on the road” but you ignore traffic laws while on your bicycle.
26. You spit in public.
MUD
Okay, I would agree with most of these, and I have to say there are a lot of assholes around here. However, I think that #7 doesn't quite make it to asshole status, particularly when you're camping or backpacking.
ReplyDeleteAs for #14, some of these assholes need to be told what they are with the finger once in a while. If you weave wildly in and out of traffic and cut me off an inch from my front bumper, I'm going to give you the finger. But I'll feel bad about it if I see a kid in the passenger seat looking at me after I've flipped you off. Then I'll feel a little righteous indignation because, really, how DARE you drive like that with your kid in the car?!?! (Okay, true story there.)
In #21, I think you need to clarify "family environments". I have a bit of a potty mouth at times, but I try not to swear in front of kids, old ladies, and religious homeschoolers. In other words, I try not to cuss around those who might be offended by it. I've heard people who would never use a cuss word use regular speech to say some much more vile, profane, and hurtful things. The "f" word is nothing in comparison.
All of our cats (except Jo's Mikey) roam free all of the time. They are farm cats. They are pets, but they also have a purpose around here. And I'm allergic and can't have them inside.
Now, could we add a #27? I'd like to include the people with the bumper nuts hanging from their hitches. Maybe they're just idiots though.
On my car: K-State sticker, 2 Marine Corps logos, Proud Mom of a Marine sticker, and a "What are you grateful for?" sticker from Gratitude Cafe. There would be a lot more--none of them jabs at other people or supporting politicians--but Danny hates bumper stickers, and the rear window can't take much more.
Okay, I would agree with most of these, and I have to say there are a lot of assholes around here. However, I think that #7 doesn't quite make it to asshole status, particularly when you're camping or backpacking.
ReplyDeleteAs for #14, some of these assholes need to be told what they are with the finger once in a while. If you weave wildly in and out of traffic and cut me off an inch from my front bumper, I'm going to give you the finger. But I'll feel bad about it if I see a kid in the passenger seat looking at me after I've flipped you off. Then I'll feel a little righteous indignation because, really, how DARE you drive like that with your kid in the car?!?! (Okay, true story there.)
In #21, I think you need to clarify "family environments". I have a bit of a potty mouth at times, but I try not to swear in front of kids, old ladies, and religious homeschoolers. In other words, I try not to cuss around those who might be offended by it. I've heard people who would never use a cuss word use regular speech to say some much more vile, profane, and hurtful things. The "f" word is nothing in comparison.
All of our cats (except Jo's Mikey) roam free all of the time. They are farm cats. They are pets, but they also have a purpose around here. And I'm allergic and can't have them inside.
Now, could we add a #27? I'd like to include the people with the bumper nuts hanging from their hitches. Maybe they're just idiots though.
On my car: K-State sticker, 2 Marine Corps logos, Proud Mom of a Marine sticker, and a "What are you grateful for?" sticker from Gratitude Cafe. There would be a lot more--none of them jabs at other people or supporting politicians--but Danny hates bumper stickers, and the rear window can't take much more.
I think that I am in on all these. Send them to Miss Manners and let's get them instituted into the moral code.
ReplyDelete3 out of 26 for me, MUD. I won't admit which three.
ReplyDelete