Funny Stories

Colonel Terry Maple

More than 800 dedicated men and women are proud to serve the citizens of Kansas as members of the Patrol. They work hard and strive for excellence in public safety and traffic safety.

Since 1937, Kansas State Troopers have offered Service, Courtesy, and Protection to the residents of the Sunflower State and to its millions of yearly visitors. The men and women of the Patrol look forward to continuing this long-standing tradition year after year.

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My wife worked with COL Maple's wife for many years and they are a fine pair of Kansan's. I dedicate these jokes to the men and women of the Kansas Highway patrol. These stories were told to me by a Highway Patrolman now retired. This isn't to add veracity to the tales, just thought you would like to hear what they talk about.

When he was a fairly new Sergeant he was out on patrol one Holiday weekend and a trooper asked for help on the radio. He said he had been on an on ramp and clocking the traffic and a car had gone by so fast he couldn't catch up. The Sergeant asked how fast the car was going? The reply was that the headlights were going at least 130, the taillights were going 130 and he was pretty sure everything in between was doing the same speed.

When a patrolman stopped a speeder, he told the driver how fast he clocked the car. The driver swore he was only doing 70. The patrolman said that he was proud to witness a miracle. The driver asked what the miracle was. The patrolman said that while the inside of the car may have been going 70, the outside was doing 85.

On his last day in the field, the Lieutenant was out in his patrol sector and spotted a speeder. He pulled the guy over and told him that in his 20 years on the force, he seldom hears a new story. He said that on his last day out on the highway, if the driver could tell him one he hadn't heard, he would be allowed to go free. The driver said there had been a mistake. About a month ago his wife had run off with a Highway patrolman and the driver was just sure that the Highway Patrolman was trying to bring her back. The speeder was allowed to go.


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